Life as We Know It

Starring: Katherine Heigl, Josh Duhamel, Josh Lucas
Directed by: Greg Berlanti (“The Broken Hearts Club”)
Written by: Ian Deitchman (debut) and Kristin Rusk Robinson (debut)

The cuteness factor might be at an all-time high, but with parenthood reduced to montages of changing poopie Pampers and dodging projectile peas, even a pair of the most squeezable baby cheeks can only get “Life as We Know It” so far.

In “Life,” first-time screenwriters Ian Deitchman and Kristin Rusk Robinson try to give the film some emotional substance, but end up padding the narrative with so much predictable nonsense you’ll long for the days when Steve Guttenberg and Tom Selleck were on diaper duty.

After impressing audiences in Judd Apatow’s 2007 comedy “Knocked Up,” Katherine Heigl has since made a handful of regrettably dreadful choices by starring in “27 Dresses,” “The Ugly Truth,” and “Killers.” She looks to find her footing in “Life” playing Holly Berenson, a bakery owner whose life is thrown into a tailspin when her best friends Peter and Alison die in a car accident and leave Holly to raise their only child, Sophie.

If that wasn’t difficult enough, Holly has been named as a co-guardian for Sophie along with Peter and Alison’s other friend Eric Messer (Josh Duhamel), a TV sports director whom she’s only tolerated over the years because they shared Peter and Alison as mutual friends. A bad date the two had years prior was just enough for Holly to recognize their incompatibility.

Now faced with the responsibility of raising a child, the two must learn to get along while living under the same roof and providing a stable home for Sophie (played here by triplets Alexis, Brynn, and Brooke Clagett) all while anticipating surprise visits by a no-nonsense social worker who is watching their every move.

“Life as We Know It,” could have worked if it has simply stayed honest about the situation at hand. Instead of capturing a genuine look at just how difficult raising a child would actually be under these circumstances, director Greg Berlanti (“The Broken Hearts Club”) lets Heigl and Duhamel stir up the schlocky sentiment. “Life” ends up pandering in the most formulaic ways possible and hits all the standard romantic comedy plot points even the average filmgoer could see coming from a mile away.

When in Rome

Starring: Kristen Bell, Josh Duhamel, Dax Shepard
Directed by: Mark Steven Johnson (“Ghost Rider”)
Written by: David Diamond (“Old Dogs”) and David Weissman (“Old Dogs”)

Take the screenwriters of one of the unfunniest comedies of 2009 (“Old Dogs”) and team them up with the director of two of the worst superhero movies of the last decade (“Daredevil” and “Ghost Rider”) and there’s no telling what kind of mutant cinematic love-child can be spawned.

Whatever label you’d like to put on the new romantic comedy “When in Rome,” it’s unfortunate that Kristen Bell (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) – an actress that makes looking adorable an art form – has her name attached. It’s the type of pointless rom com that is easy to dismiss if you’ve clawed your way through enough of them.

In this latest entry of chick-flick torture, Bell plays Beth, a Manhattan museum curator who is too busy with her career to search for Mr. Right. Her interest in love is at an all-time low since her last boyfriend dumped her at Applebee’s and announced his engagement to another woman soon after.

While a wedding would be the last place Beth would want to go, especially with her boss Celeste (Anjelica Huston) breathing down her neck about an upcoming art show, Beth travels to Rome to see her little sister get married to an guy she’s only known for two weeks.

In Rome she meets Nick (Josh Duhamel), a sportswriter and charming best man who could have made perfect boyfriend material if Beth wasn’t so skeptical about relationships. Her cynicism (in addition to a little too much wine) drives Beth to take coins from a fountain in the city’s square where people make wishes to fall in love. In turn, the men whose coins Beth snatches from the magical fountain immediately direct their attention to Beth and follow her back to New York to try to win her heart.

Leading the pack of stalkers are actors Dax Shepard as an arrogant male model, Will Arnett as a crazy Italian artist, Jon Heder as a untalented street magician, and Danny DeVito as a friendly sausage capitalist. Other than DeVito’s short stature and the fact that he’s the only character of the bunch not written like a bumbling fool, there’s nothing remotely funny about Beth’s ridiculous suitors.

As the story continues to unravel as predictably as possible and with scarce humor, screenwriters David Diamond and David Weissman decide that it might be neat to emphasize their unoriginality by writing in a “Napoleon Dynamite” reference into the script where Heder (the star of the 2004 indie hit) reunites with actor Efren Ramirez, who played Napoleon’s best friend Pedro. Really? The cameo works about as well as the rest of the thoughtless jokes that plague the script.

In the end, “When in Rome” is one uncreative sight gag after another. From Beth and Nick’s date to a restaurant where food is served in the dark to the weird “Wizard of Oz” curveball it throws at the end, director Mark Steven Johnson seems to have told the entire cast to just run with it and have some mindless fun. If only we were so lucky.