The Lincoln Lawyer

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe
Directed by: Brad Furman (“The Take”)
Written by: John Romano (“Nights in Rodanthe”)

As far as courtroom dramas are concerned, you’d be hard-pressed to find something as generic as “The Lincoln Lawyer.” Forget about the excitement brewing because Matthew McConaughey (“Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”) is actually starring in a film that doesn’t require him to remove his shirt or offer up his rugged good looks for an insulting rom com role opposite Kate Hudson or Sarah Jessica Parker – as much as everyone would like it to be, this is not a sequel to 1996’s “A Time to Kill.” Instead, “Lawyer” is an overrated, underwritten crime schlock that plays like an irritating Dick Wolf-produced legal TV show. Call it “Law & Order: Luxury Sedan.”

That title might even be a stretch, since the titular vehicle doesn’t make much of an impact in the film besides serving as a shiny prop for the laid-back soundtrack featuring blues, R&B, and old-school hip-hop from artists including Bobby “Blue” Bland, Erick Sermon, and Marlena Shaw. As a suave, street-smart criminal defense attorney practicing in Beverly Hills, Mickey Haller (McConaughey) is chauffeured around town in style inside his vintage Lincoln Town Car.

Adapted from the novel of the same name by crime-fiction writer Michael Connelly (this is the first of four books in the Haller series), Lawyer struggles to find its footing within a cliché storyline reworked by screenwriter John Romano (“Nights in Rodanthe”) and helmed by novice director Brad Furman, whose only other film is the straight-to-DVD armored-truck thriller “The Take.”

In “Lawyer,” Mickey lands the case of his career when he is hired to defend Louis Roulet (Ryan Phillippe), a spoiled, rich socialite charged with the brutal assault of a prostitute who propositions him at a nightclub. While Louis maintains his innocence (he cries “Set up!” on more than one occasion), Mickey and his investigator friend Frank Levin (William H. Macy) figure out a way to get their client off the hook even after indispensable evidence seems to mount against them.

From here, “Lawyer” becomes part morality thriller, part courtroom drama with Mickey caught in the middle wondering if he’s fighting for a scumbag’s exoneration. Despite McConaughey’s satisfying performance, none of it is very original. The pool of shallow characters (Marisa Tomei as the ex-wife prosecutor; John Leguizamo as a shady bail bondsman; Michael Peña as an ex-client who is now in San Quentin) don’t help us sympathize with our conflicted lawyer, whose character is never fully explored past his slicked-back hair, dog-tired eyes, and vulnerability to the bottle.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Jennifer Garner, Michael Douglas
Directed by: Mark Waters (“The Spiderwick Chronicles”)
Written by: Jon Lucas (“Four Christmases”) and Scott Moore (“Four Christmases”)

What do you get when you cross a classic holiday story like Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” with a nauseating romantic comedy? With Matthew McConaughey playing a character as cynical as any rendition of Ebenezer Scrooge over the last 150 years, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” can’t find enough enchanting moments and depth to make it worth any kind of homage to the late literary icon.

In “Ghosts,” McConaughey is Connor Mead, an arrogant bachelor photographer who knows a lot about sex and little about women although he’s bedded his fair share of them in his life. An unbeliever of love and monogamy, Connor drags himself to his little brother’s wedding where he is reunited with his childhood crush Jenny Perotti (Jennifer Garner) whose heart Connor had broken years before.

Connor’s past, however, soon catches up to him when his deceased Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas), the man that raised him and taught him everything about dating and dumping women, tells him that he will be visited by three ghosts who will take him on a journey through the relationships of his past, present, and future.

It’s an interesting idea done way better (and without ghosts) in “High Fidelity” when John Cusack revisiting his old flames to find out why he is still single after so many years. In “Ghosts,” McConaughey doesn’t really change throughout these life-altering moments. Even when he meet his final ghost, the Ghost of Girlfriends Future, an incredibly attractive blond spirit, Connor still tries to make a move on her even though he just relived half of his life and saw the mistakes he had made. Isn’t the point supposed to be that he learns to be a better all-around person?

Still, the transformation from sleazebag to gentleman is miraculously completed with a little shove by screenwriting partners Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, who scripted the unfunny “Four Christmases” at the end of last year. Here, McConaughey’s cinematic reputation precedes itself. It’s the kind of movie he was born to star in, which, in the last eight or so years, hasn’t been a real positive statement to make.

Fool’s Gold

Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Kate Hudson, Donald Sutherland
Directed by: Andy Tennant (“Hitch”)
Written by: John Claflin (“Anacondas”), Daniel Zelman (“Anacondas”), Andy Tennant (“Ever After”)

If you think a perfect world would somehow manifest if Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson hooked up in real life, you’re far too helpless to be saved. In that case, “Fool’s Gold” was made for moviegoers like you; those who will swoon over a shirtless McConaughey and call it passable entertainment.

In “Gold,” McConaughey and Hudson play Finn and Tess Finnegan, a husband and wife treasure-seeking duo who are going through a messy divorce. On the morning that they’re separation if finalized, Finn is late to the court hearing because he has just found proof that a 300-year-old buried treasure known as the Queen’s Dowry actually exists.

Despite the fact that Tess is a bit interested in finally finding the treasure, she seems to have left that life behind her and now works as a stewardess on the yacht of millionaire Nigel Honeycutt (Sutherland) and his sassy, famous, and all too annoying pop tart daughter Gemma (Alexis Dziena). When Finn finds out that Nigel is on the island, he hatches a plan to stow away for just long enough to explain his situation so that he might get some financial support for the treasure hunt. This series of reckless scenes, which all lead up to a longwinded background story, are by no means funny or fascinating to watch unfold. And unless you want to get dumber by the minute, McConaughey is the last person you want to hear spewing out fictional history lessons and adventure tales. How he didn’t read this script (presuming he can read) and immediately think, ‘Hey, this is like that other movie I did, ‘Sahara,’ but in the ocean,” is beyond explanation.

Playing opposite of McConaughey is Hudson, who was once thought to be the most exciting up-and-coming actress when she wowed us with her performance and landed an Oscar nod as Penny Lane in 2000’s “Almost Famous.” Since then, Hudson been swimming in the kiddie pool with by-the-number roles in everything from “Raising Helen” to “You, Me, and Dupree.” Fight the undertow, Kate, and move on to better gigs.

Better days to come, however, won’t start with “Fool’s Gold.” It’s poorly written across the board by John Claflin and Daniel Zelman (the two guys who came up with “Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid”) and director Andy Tennant decides to make another movie as if he was directing a big-budget TV sitcom on its last leg.

File this one with films like “Captain Ron,” “Boat Trip,” and “Cabin Boy.” A trip out to sea with this crew and you’ll be swimming back to shore.