Cars 2

Starring: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy, Michael Caine
Directed by: John Lasseter (“Toy Story”) and Brad Lewis (debut)
Written by: Ben Queen (“Proximity”)
  
After 16 years of smooth sailing down a highway of animation bliss, the check engine light is officially blinking at Disney Pixar with their newest feature film “Cars 2.”
 
It may have taken them a while to pull it off, but the studio, who has built a reputation on groundbreaking computer graphics and pitch-perfect storylines and characters, has finally done something that seemed extremely unlikely given their extraordinary 16-year track record – they’ve delivered a real clunker.
 
A shiny clunker, yes, but junk nonetheless. While it is rare to see Pixar struggle, it’s not much of a surprise they’ve hit a rough patch with this particular franchise. Despite what box office and merchandising receipts say (little boys love their Hot Wheels), the original “Cars” in 2006 was not exactly a winner either. Any film that assembles a cast of characters based on lazy stereotypes can’t really be recognized for its originality. But at least the first one had that new car smell. Despite the sequel’s impressive design (those hubcaps sure do gleam), there are some ugly things going on under the hood that easily makes “Cars 2″ the weakest entry into the Pixar catalog.

The problems start and end with an uninspired, witless, and convoluted script, which places racecar Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson) and country bumpkin tow truck Mater (Larry the Cable Guy) into a story centered on international espionage and a case of mistaken identity. The James Bond-esque scenarios never push the creativity to the high standards Pixar has placed on itself since releasing “Toy Story” in 1995.
 
Alas, not all is wasted on a trip to the theater if pleading kids have made a “Cars 2″ screening nonnegotiable. The short animated film “Hawaiian Vacation” featuring the “Toy Story” characters, which precedes the actual movie, is a gem. Just remember to sneak out once you hear those engines start to rev.

Midnight in Paris

Starring: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Marion Cotillard
Directed by: Woody Allen (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”)
Written by: Woody Allen (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”)

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you had been born in another time period? Imagine experiencing the Renaissance in the early 16th century or witnessing the birth of Hollywood’s silent film era in the late 1880s.

The idea is something three-time Oscar-winning filmmaker Woody Allen (“Vicky Cristina Barcelona”) experiments with in his new film “Midnight in Paris,” a smartly-written, whimsical romantic comedy that just so happens to include a charming little time-traveling storyline that fits in wonderfully.

In “Midnight in Paris,” Owen Wilson (“Marley & Me”) stars as Gil, an American screenplay writer and self-described “Hollywood hack,” who travels to France with his boorish fiancée Inez (Rachel McAdams) and her parents and ends up going on an adventure on his own. Gil enjoys Paris well enough, but he wonders what it would’ve been like to be there during the Roaring 20s when art and literature were at a historical peak.

When Gil decides he no longer wants to hang out with Inez and her snooty friends (Michael Sheen plays a know-it-all intellect to perfection), he decides to take in Paris by himself by going on a late-night stroll through the city. In a magical and Cinderellaeque twist, Gil steps into a mysterious car at the stroke of midnight and is somehow transported back in time to the 1920s where he meets the like of F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, and Pablo Picasso, all of whom inspire his own work as an aspiring novelist.

The time traveling scenario happens every night at the same time and Gil takes full advantage of his newfound friends. He even gets writer Gerturude Stein (Kathy Bates) to read over his own manuscript and give him some priceless constructive criticism. During his nightly trips back to the era (the time-traveling scenario happens every night and every night Gil somehow returns home without explanation), Gil ends up meeting one of Picasso’s mistresses (Marion Cotillard), a French socialite who also wishes she could have been born in another era, specifially the Belle Epoque.

As picturesque as most of Allen’s past work that embraces particular cities like New York and Barcelona, “Midnight in Paris” is a refreshing fantasy that takes being inspired to a whole new level. It might not reach the greatness of some of Allen’s classics, but “Paris” easily arouses the artist’s passion in all of us.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

Starring: Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Owen Wilson
Directed by: Shawn Levy (“Night at the Museum”)
Written by: Robert Ben Garant (“Balls of Fury”) and Thomas Lennon (“Herbie Fully Loaded”)

The entire original cast might be back for a second helping, but rehashing the same old jokes from the first outing is a bit overzealous even for Ben Stiller and his myriad of fictional characters in “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian.”

In the sequel, Stiller returns as Larry Daley, this time a former museum night watchman who has become a successful CEO of a company that produces a glow-in-the-dark flashlight. When Larry returns to the Museum of Natural History to say a quick hello, however, he learns that all the exhibits that came to life during his first adventure (and ultimately became his friends) are begin replaced with interactive displays and getting shipped off to the Smithsonian Museum for storage.

He also discovers the magic tablet that transforms the exhibits into living, breathing creatures is being pursued by the evil Egyptian pharaoh Kahmunrah played by Hank Azaria (“Along Came Polly”) and his henchmen, which include Ivan the Terrible (Christopher Guest), Napoleon Bonaparte (Alain Chabat), and Al Capone (Jon Bernthal). New to the fray is also Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams) who sticks with Larry during most of the battle and participates in the most interesting scenes of the movie when the two figure out how to jump in and out of famous works of art.

Any clever ideas, however, are easily diluted by lots of bad one-liners, obvious jokes (Yes, Napoleon Bonaparte was short, get over it), and tedious slapstick, which will only appease the youngest viewers. While there are slight highlights like Bill Heder as Gen. Custard, the humor is sketchy at best and gets it wrong most of the time.

Marley & Me

Starring: Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, Alan Arkin
Directed by: David Frankel (“The Devil Wears Prada”)
Written by: Scott Frank (“The Lookout”) and Don Roos (“Happy Endings”)

You’d have to have a heart made of rawhide not to feel a tad gushy while watching “Marley & Me,” especially if the man-dog relationship reminds you of a puppy love from your past. For me, it was my first pet, a funny-looking mutt I named Cracker (he was the color of a Saltine), whom I loved dearly.

The film may rekindle some lasting memories from your childhood, but the source material, John Grogan’s New York Times bestselling autobiography of the same name, is milked of all its sentimentality, and by the time we get to the film’s most tender moments, they’re unconvincing and obvious.

Directed by David Frankel (“The Devil Wears Prada”), “Marley & Me” is not so much about a dog as it is a family’s life journey with a dog as a supporting player through their ups and downs. Owen Wilson is John Grogan, a newspaper reporter stuck in a rut writing blotter stories, who surprises his newlywed (Aniston) with a pup (giving her something to nurture is supposed to be a surefire way to slow down her biological clock).

Marley is an adorable but incorrigible yellow Labrador whose alpha-male inclinations make him “the worst dog in the world.” (Basically, he gnaws everything to a stump and humps Kathleen Turner’s fat leg). In addition to Marley’s mischievous ways, the Grogans’ stress level skyrockets when they begin raising a litter of their own.

While the screenwriters would like you to believe the heart of the story centers on the unconditional love of a dog, Marley becomes an afterthought in the script until he turns weathered and gray in the most heartfelt and drawn-out scenes. Toss him a Snausage for not sinking to Beethoven levels, but I’d rather have my puppy-loving tears triggered by “Old Yeller,” “My Dog Skip,” or even “Turner & Hooch.”

Drillbit Taylor

Starring: Owen Wilson, Troy Gentile, Nate Hartley
Directed by: Steven Brill (“Little Nicky”)
Written by: Kristofor Brown (debut) and Seth Rogen (“Superbad”)

If it was the goal of teen actors Troy Gentile and Nate Hartley to forever be known as the pocket-sized versions of Jonah Hill and Michael Cera, then congratulations. The new comedy “Drillbit Taylor” is “Superbad”-lite with fewer laughs and a lot more Owen Wilson that we actually needed to see.

At its core, “Drillbit” is a story about nerds, a comedy goldmine if done correctly (TV’s short-lived “Freaks and Geeks,” another produced work by Judd Apatow, is an example). But when forced into flat scenes and relying on unmemorable characters, someone’s bound to wish Arnold Poindexter or Paul Pfeiffer would make a quick cameo.

Alas, they do not and we are left with a trio of lame ducks in Wade (Hartley), Ryan (Gentile), and Emmitt (David Dorfman, the little kid from “The Ring,” who seems to have fallen victim to the Haley Joel Osment-hit-puberty-and-get-butt-ugly-syndrome). Emmitt is a sort-of third-wheel character like McLovin if McLovin was a spaz who liked showtunes.

The film opens as BFFs Wade and Ryan are getting ready to start their freshman year of high school. Believing that this is their time to shine, the boys make a promise to themselves that they will no longer be viewed as dorks or feel inapt when talking to the opposite sex. Ryan even gives himself a new nickname, T-Dog, to start the year off a new man.

Not even within five minutes of stepping inside the school, however, Wade and Ryan are singled out by Filkins (Alex Frost), a psychotic bully, and his henchman Ronnie (Josh Peck of Nickelodeon’s “Drake & Josh”…shiver). After a few weeks of being humiliated by the goons, who are written way too exaggeratedly by Kristofor Brown and Seth Rogan, the boys decide to hire a bodyguard to protect them from any more torture.

In steps Drillbit Taylor (Wilson), a self-proclaimed military hero and bodyguard to the stars. Actually, Drillbit is really a compulsive liar and homeless man living in the woods and hustling for change with his bum friends. When he sees an opportunity to make some extra cash by swindling some desperate kids, he doesn’t hesitate. Since he seems legit (but mostly because he is the only bodyguard the kids can afford), Drillbit gets the job and assures the boys they are now under his wing. Pretending to be a teacher at their school, Drillbit has no real intention of living up to his job description. He’s too busy flirting in the teacher’s lounge with a cute English teacher (played by Apatow’s real leading lady Leslie Mann, who is sadly underused).

Although the first half hour or so brings some steady laughs, when the boys match wits with Drillbit is where the picture suffers. This is the type of character where Wilson should flourish, but when heaved into a clutter of implausible personas and loopy writing “Drillbit Taylor” isn’t this year’s comedy gem we all know Apatow has delivered before.