Maybe I have way too much time on my hands, but it’s always been my motto as a film critic to give every movie its fair chance to impress me. When the year comes to an end, I want to be able to step back and take in all the good with the bad. (See my Best Films of 2010 list here).
Most of the time, when I bring up the worst movies I’ve seen in any given year to a fellow critic I’ll get responses like “You sat through that?” or “Eh, I thought I’d skip that one,” which is perfectly fine. There are tons of movies that come out every year and no one has time to see everything that hits theaters. But I still try.
Nevertheless, it was a painstaking process to have to sit through the movies I have listed below. Out of the 195 movies I saw in 2010, here are the ones that can be easily referred to as the bottom dwellers:
10. Grown Ups
Since first forming Happy Madison Productions in 1999, Adam Sandler has single handedly kept his closest – and least talented – friends employed for a good part of the last decade. It’s painful and awkward to watch these men lounge around with goofy smiles and nothing interesting to say. While most of the dialogue is improvised, the only ones that seem to be entertained at their stupidity are the actors themselves.
9. Saw 3-D
There have been some terrible horror movies this year, but this seventh installment of this franchise is the worst of the bunch because it refuses to die. More traps. More torture. More Tobin Bell. Even if you are a glutton for this stuff, skip it and watch “The Human Centipede” instead. At least it’s original.
8. Furry Vengeance
Brendan Fraser Vs. woodland animals. I would have rather seen “Encino Man 2: Still Weezin’ the Juice.”
7. Jonah Hex
Every actor wants to try something different at least once in his or her career. Josh Brolin went from making great films like “No Country for Old Men” and “Milk” to slummin’ it with Megan Fox. My guess is that he’d like to have this one back.
6. The Last Song
Miley Cyrus takes a dramatic turn for the worst as an unhappy teenage piano virtuoso depressed by her parents divorce. Cyrus makes fellow songstress Taylor Swift’s laughable performance in “Valentine’s Day” look worthy of an MTV Movie Award. Scoff.
5. Sex and the City 2
Even as lightweight and cloaked in hypocrisy as the first film was, at least it felt like an offshoot to the TV series. With this sequel, the foursome can’t fill a bloated 145 minutes of ridiculous dialogue and politically-incorrect Muslim humor. I’m not sure how much longer Carrie can continue to pretend like she’s the voice of female empowerment (Until she’s 50 years old? Sixty?!) but let’s just be relieved to know Manolo Blahnik has yet to design their version of a therapeutic shoe.
4. Valentine’s Day
Doing a shameless impersonation of director/writer Richard Curtis’ 2003 witty and warm romantic comedy “Love Actually,” this Hollywood-star-laden rom-com is a movie that’s all dressed up with nowhere to go. This doesn’t sit well for next year’s “New Year’s Eve.”
3. The Bounty Hunter
Chalk this one up with “P.S. I Love You” and “The Ugly Truth” as another romantic comedy dud for Gerard Butler. While Jennifer Aniston is 10 times more charming than Katherine Heigl, it doesn’t help matters when the script is this pathetic.
2. The Spy Next Door
Jackie Chan’s surprisingly entertaining remake of “The Karate Kid” could have been overshadowed by this family-friendly exercise in futility if anyone actually remembered it.
1. Vampires Suck
Until directors/writers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (“Epic Movie,” “Disaster Movie,” “Meet the Spartans”) realize they have no talent and stop making parodies they will forever have a place reserved somewhere on this list. As much as I dislike the “Twilight Saga,” I’d rather watch the teeny-bopper franchise on a loop for the rest of my life than watch “Vampires Suck” once more.
Dishonorable Mentions (in alphabetical order):
- Alpha and Omega
- The Back-Up Plan
- Case 39
- Cop Out
- Dinner for Schmucks
- The Expendables
- Gulliver’s Travels
- The Last Airbender
- Little Fockers
- My Soul to Take
- A Nightmare on Elm Street
- Our Family Wedding
- Resident Evil: Afterlife
- Tooth Fairy
- The Warrior’s Way
- When in Rome
- Why Did I Get Married Too?
- You Again
Grown-ups was an amazingly funny movie. As a sold out crowd laughed out loud for almost 2 hours, I would suggest you might want to lighten up and enjoy actual life.
Bounty Hunter was so bad I walked out and went straight to a bar for a drink.
Grown Ups was one of your ten WORST!?!? Wow…I’m thinking perhaps that the CineSnob is simply hands-down on any comedy without John Cusack, John Malkovich or someone else of that snarky ilk.
Remember, the CineSnob is not indicative of anything other than an opinion…and opinions, like ***holes, are ubiquitous. I sat in a packed theatre watching Grown Ups and laughed until fake butter shot out of my nose. One does actually have to LISTEN to the movie to appreciate it – the dialogue, the subplots (recapturing youth, the good times we used to have at the park/lake/court/etc., the crazy friends we used to have), all of it was snappy and seldom dull.
Toe-be Bryant? Toe-boCop? Rob Schneider’s three daughters? Granny overboard! Humor doesn’t get more side-slappingly sharp! CineSnob’s slam on Grown Ups? Like they said at Coach’s funeral…***AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!***