Yoga Hosers

September 5, 2016 by  
Filed under Jerrod, Reviews

Starring: Harley Quinn Smith, Lily-Rose Depp, Johnny Depp
Directed by: Kevin Smith (“Tusk”)
Written by: Kevin Smith (“Clerks”)

There seemed to be a time in Hollywood when the industry was ready to take Kevin Smith seriously. On the heels of the vulgar, credit card-financed success of “Clerks,” crafting an oh-so-‘90s love story set firmly in the world of comic books with “Chasing Amy,” and co-producing the Ben Affleck and Matt Damon launch-to-superstardom-and-Oscars movie “Good Will Hunting,” Smith seemed to be ready to join fellow Miramax darlings Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez at the adult’s table. Hell, by 2000, Smith already had a failed, somewhat brilliant animated series and a heavily-protested religious comedy with an all-star cast under his belt—that’s an entertainment cult hero starter kit in itself.

Of those three, two decades later, only Tarantino still stands as a force in Hollywood. One could argue that the trio never stopped making movies for themselves and their fans, just that Tarantino was the only one who actually made good films to begin with. But I digress–enough about QT and Rodriguez, we’re here to talk about what the hell happened to Kevin Smith and his ability to tell a funny story on a movie screen (he’s still a great monologist, FYI). The ragtag, overwritten, friends-hanging-out charm of “Clerks” and “Chasing Amy” is long gone, replaced with unfunny inside jokes and a just-as-unfunny fascination with a cartoon version of Canada. It’s that lazy attitude that birthed 2014’s really awful “Tusk” and its sort-of sequel, the equally-awful “Yoga Hosers.”

Colleen M. (Harley Quinn Smith) and Colleen C. (Lily-Rose Depp) are yoga-obsessed clerks (yep) at a Canadian convenience store called “Eh-2-Zed” who aspire to be rock stars and say “aboot” a whole bunch as they sell artisan maple syrup to their Canadian clientele. The plot has them sing at least two full songs before anything really happens, namely two cute boys want to party with them. Only thing is, they’re Satanists, who want them for sacrifice—that is until some tiny Nazi bratwursts (known as “Bratzis”) literally jump up the asses and out of the mouths of the boys, leading to their grisly deaths. So forget those Satanists, now it’s time for private investigator Guy Lapointe (a Quebecois-accented pile of makeup with Johnny Depp underneath, admittedly less annoying that he was in “Tusk”) to show up, revealing to the Colleens that the Eh-2-Zed is built on land previously owned by Nazis as a staging area for a North American invasion. Now they have to find a secret passage and kill some old Nazi scientist (Ralph Garman) before he unleashes a critic-murdering monster (sigh) on the world.

Look, there’s one decent running joke in the movie, and it comes from Justin Long’s yogi, groaningly named Yogi Bayer, and his bafflement at receiving cease-and-desist letters from Warner Bros. regarding his copyright infringement on their intellectual property related to cartoon character Yogi Bear. It’s stupid, sure, but a legitimate funny joke in a movie devoid of such things. Unfortunately it’s underplayed in the movie and shoved aside in favor of characters saying “soory” and “eh” and talking about moose and hockey or watching Depp’s grotesque moles migrate all over his face at random. Shit, calling this a “movie” is really stretching the definition, and it’s difficult to reconcile this snickering sideways glance at some old joke that probably wasn’t that funny to begin with as coming from a writer-director who was at least interestingly profane so many years ago, and one who still has the ability to tell great, dirty stories on stage behind a microphone. It’s not that Kevin Smith’s filmmaking hasn’t changed since 1994…it’s that he’s actually gotten worse.

Ep. 87 – Yoga Hosers or, just what the hell happened to Kevin Smith?

September 5, 2016 by  
Filed under Podcast

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On this Labor Day weekend edition of The CineSnob Podcast, Cody and Jerrod tackle writer/director Kevin Smith’s worst movie ever in “Yoga Hosers” and remember the good times they once had with Smith’s work. They also talk college, water park injuries, recap “RiffTrax Live: Mothra,” and, oh, congratulate the absent Kiko on the birth of his son.

 

[00:00-43:15] Intro/college/water park pain/RiffTrax Live

[43:15-1:50:57] Review – Yoga Hosers

[1:50:57-2:01:18] Wrap up/tease

Click here to download the episode!

Ep. 17 – The Guest, The Maze Runner, Tusk, the Deadpool movie is finally a go, and filmmakers we once loved that now disappoint us

September 21, 2014 by  
Filed under Podcast

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Click here to download the episode!

In this week’s episode of The CineSnob Podcast, the guys from CineSnob.net review “The Guest,” “The Maze Runner,” and “Tusk.” They also discuss the officially green-lit upcoming “Deadpool” movie, the now delayed HBO Penn State Football drama “Happy Valley,” Magnolia Pictures buying and burying the Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper starring “Serena” and filmmakers we once loved that now disappoint us.

[0:00-3:33] Intro and Alamo City Comic Con talk
[3:33-12:45] Fox has finally greenlit a Deadpool standalone film.
[12:45-21:40] Brian De Palma’s Penn State HBO movie casts an actor for Jerry Sandusky and promptly halts production.
[21:40-34:25] The long-delayed “Serena” starring Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper is headed straight to VOD. Discussion of big name actors starring in straight to video/VOD films.
[34:25-44:12] The Guest
[44:12-55:20] The Maze Runner
[55:20-1:01:43] Tusk
[1:01:43-1:12:11] Tusk Spoiler Talk
[1:20:11-1:22:66] Tusk Wrap-Up
[1:22:26-1:43:27] Filmmakers we once loved that now disappoint us
[1:43:27-1:45:23] Teases for next week and close

Subscribe to The CineSnob Podcast via RSSiTunes or Stitcher.

To give your feedback, e-mail us at podcast [at] cinesnob [dot] net, or leave a voicemail at 920-FILM-210.

Tusk

September 19, 2014 by  
Filed under Kiko, Reviews

Starring: Justin Long, Michael Parks, Hayley Joel Osment
Directed by: Kevin Smith (“Red State”)
Written by: Kevin Smith (“Red State”)

After breaking into the independent film scene with “Clerks” in 1994 and developing a strong cult following with other projects like “Mallrats,” “Chasing Amy” and “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,” Smith, in recent years, has decided to switch gears and give audiences a peak into the more sinister sections of his creative mind. He started in 2011 with “Red State,” an ultra-violent film featuring a group of religious fundamentalists who abduct a trio of teenage boys and hold them prisoner in their church. While the movie was something completely different than he had ever tried before, the controversial storyline of the horror/action flick far outweighed Smith’s execution. The setback, however, hasn’t stopped him from continuing down this unfamiliar path for his next movie “Tusk,” an attempt at dark horror comedy that illustrates Smith’s total ignorance when it comes to separating shock value and humor. ”Tusk” would’ve been a barrel-full of laughs if it wasn’t so disturbing.

In “Tusk,” Justin Long (“Drag Me to Hell”) stars as Wallace Bryton, an obnoxious podcaster who, along with his sidekick Teddy Craft (Hayley Joel Osment), co-hosts a popular internet show called the “Not See Party,” wherein Wallace interviews (and at times exploits) interesting guests and then returns to the studio to share his experience with Teddy on the web. When an upcoming guest kills himself before Wallace can conduct his interview, Wallace is forced to find a replacement interviewee on short notice. When he stumbles upon a flyer from a man named Howard Howe (Michael Parks), who promises loads of fascinating stories to share with him, Wallace takes him up on the offer.

It turns out Howard is a maniac (think Buffalo Bill from “The Silence of the Lambs” meets Dr. Moreau) and before he knows it, Wallace is facing a situation many would consider worse than death. Without giving too much of the reveal away, let’s just say Howard has a sick fascination with walruses, a talent with the stitch, and a total disregard for human life. The twisted mess Howard creates isn’t the type of image you can easily scrub from your mind.

Compared by some as the second coming of a movie like the unfairly-condemned 2009 horror film “The Human Centipede,” which repulsed even audiences who didn’t actually see it, “Tusk” could have played out its own nightmarish scenario in the same vein as “Centipede” and gotten away with simply being an unsettling film to watch. There is nothing funny about “Centipede,” and it’s clear director Tom Six wasn’t playing up the narrative for shits (pun intended) and giggles. With “Tusk,” though, Smith is pushing hard for the extreme grotesqueness of what he puts on the screen to somehow find its way into a whole other genre. Sure, there are hilarious moments in “Tusk” to go along with the stomach-churning ones, but Smith is never really quite sure which are which. Because of that, the film is left to suffer in a sort of tonal limbo.

Where “Tusk” finds most of its footing is in the sharp dialogue Smith delivers in the first half of the film, especially with Parks’ insane character interacting with Long’s insufferable one. It’s like watching a spider teasing a helpless fly before it mercilessly bites its head off. That intensity is palpable as are the comedic jabs Smith sprinkles throughout. But once Smith begins to overexaggerate what is already exaggerated and then tries to hammer home a meaningful message, “Tusk” can’t find a way out of its own misery.

Cop Out

February 26, 2010 by  
Filed under CineStrays

Starring: Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, Ana de la Reguera
Directed by: Kevin Smith (“Zack and Miri Make a Porno”)
Written by: Robb Cullen (debut) and Mark Cullen (debut)

Even director Kevin Smith has to know what he’s created here. In the lame buddy cop flick “Cop Out,” which stars Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, Smith seems to just be passing the time with nothing better to do. Here, he allows Morgan to deliver his usual improvised shtick while Willis sits back looking older than ever. If you can get past the terribly unfunny scenes at the beginning where Morgan speeds through movie impersonations, you might be one of the very few who are able to stomach the entire movie even after the “Die Hard” reference.